before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
