They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
