I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
