well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
