Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
