What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
