Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
high people should be assigned attendants
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
