he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
