I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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