new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
