So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
