I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
