whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
operation harelip BJ is a go
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
