Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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