I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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