my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize