you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
