So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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