She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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