how hairy? two words: wookie tits
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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