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Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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