kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
