The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
