Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Blood and glitter go together right?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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