How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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