she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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