is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
soo... how was my night?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize