is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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