so explain again why im purple
no
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
