There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
