I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
that's an acceptable place to lick
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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