I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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