Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
