Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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