I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
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