She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
