I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
