I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Dignity is for republicans.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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