Apparently you make a good broom.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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