Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
