There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
