I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
