girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
