I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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