I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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