Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
