we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
