If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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