So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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