I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
