be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize