NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
