after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
