she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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