5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
