I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize