If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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