Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
