I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
