i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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