The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
