I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
