oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
