I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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