The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
