Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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