i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Randomize