Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
