How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Randomize
