apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
