So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Houston, we have a squirter
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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