they need to just BURY HIM!
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
