I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
