We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
