So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
