...so i touched it.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize