You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
