watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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