I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
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