guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
This baby is an asshole
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Randomize
