1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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