You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
