This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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