I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
