If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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