It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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