White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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